Revising is HARD y’all

I decided that I should and need to change the format of my play Eyes on the Flag and it’s kind of intimidating to think about. Overwhelming.

I had written it Sam French style but am going to move it to the Dramatists of America style which will make it go from 10 pages to probably 20. I guess that’s fine.

But what’s stopping me?

This. A few days ago I saw something that my cousin had written 16 years ago basically saying that she was the victim in our relationship crumbling despite her dating my boyfriend behind my back when he and I were still together. Long story short, it killed me. I’m pretty sure I read it on her livejournal at the time but blocked it out. Because I blocked her out. In my many months of writing timelines, talking to friends about their memories, cataloging everything i could remember and writing this place, I didn’t realize until two weeks ago that I was still blocking my memories of her.

So now with even more awareness than before I have to go back into a project I thought I had finished (for now?) and edit it all over again. And since I am no longer under the 10 page rule of my group I have room to expand.

But in expansion- how much of it will be for the story and how much will be an emotional black out that causes me to run rampant on the page and make it more whiny than informative?

So what? Just do it? I don’t want it to become a piece about pettiness or jealousy or just hurt feelings.So if I go in now then it can overwhelm me or the story. Do I just edit the structure without reading? How? That’s like cooking and not tasting your food as you go.

What’s what more night crying on the phone to Margo about how I can’t seem to keep my feelings in check because this shit fucked me up so hard?